I’m currently going through a divorce with the man I’ve been with for five years. Out of those years, we were married for two and a half. We have two beautiful children together. Here’s a little story about our relationship before marriage.
I met him through friends, like many couples do. I was his first girlfriend. We met when he was 15 and I was 16, and he was crazy in love with me. I didn’t take the relationship seriously at first, but after dating for about a year, I started to. He was really nice and would always call me before and after school. He would buy me flowers here and there, which was really sweet, and he treated me well. He would always try to visit me, even taking his mom’s car without a license.
As the years went by, our relationship became rocky. I wanted to hang out with my friends and go places, which made him insecure and controlling. He would try to dictate whom I could hang out with, thinking I was with other guys. We fought and argued over the most trivial things. We broke up and got back together multiple times. It was hard for me to let go because he was my first love, and I didn’t want the relationship to end. Additionally, I worried about the stigma of guys talking about how many girls they’ve been with.
A Turning Point
There was an incident during our relationship that changed everything. One night, he went out with friends and hung out with some girls. The next day, he took his cousin home because she didn’t have a ride. Her parents saw them and forced him to marry her. That night, I waited for him all night. The next morning, he came over early and cried, unable to admit what had happened. His brothers came and took him home. After they left, I called his older brother, who told me to stop calling because he was now forced married. I was devastated.
I called some girlfriends to take me to his place. I wanted to talk to him, but when I got there, I saw the girl. I was crying and asked him how this happened, but he didn’t say anything. His parents told me to leave and assured me they would resolve the problem. Despite the pain, I forgave him for what he had done.
Marriage and Struggles
As the years went by, our relationship remained the same. We had our good moments and bad, like all relationships. I became pregnant, which was planned, and he was happy about it. He talked to his mom, who then called me. She expressed doubts about our marriage and suggested they just pay my parents to fix things. I insisted that he wanted to be with me, so we got married while I was still pregnant.
We lived with his family, which was mostly boys. There were no available rooms, so on our wedding night, we slept on the floor in the living room. I had told him before that it didn’t matter where I slept as long as I was with him. The next day, he left me alone, going out with his friends and leaving me with his family. He didn’t come back for two days. I was pregnant and sleeping alone in the living room, feeling abandoned and wishing I had taken his mom’s offer.
Arguments turned into fights, and fights turned into lonely nights. He would always go out, leaving me with his family. With no job, it was hard to support my child.
Motherhood and Struggles
After the birth of my daughter, I finally gained a sense of happiness. I now had someone to be with. My husband wasn’t there to take care of her. He wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night to help, and he didn’t even prepare food for me during my first month postpartum. My daughter gave me the strength to move on every day. I took care of her all by myself.
Many months later, he finally got a job and started helping me a little financially. I went back to school to finish college, but more fights and arguments ensued. He began accusing me of cheating and not coming home on time. I dropped out of school, and at 21, I was pregnant again. Things weren’t getting better, and I wanted to abort the pregnancy because it was too hard to put another child through the violence and abuse. But after talking with my sisters, I decided to keep my baby, who turned out to be a boy.
Enduring the Abuse
Things were okay here and there, but we still fought about him going out and me visiting my mom. He became unemployed, and I helped him land another job. I finally got the chance to finish school. But we continued to have physical fights, and I would leave for my parents’ house to get my kids away from the violence. I would hold them at night and apologize for putting them through such pain and suffering.
When I ran to my parents’ house, they told me to be patient and that he would change. To my family, he acted nice and made it seem like I was the wrong one. Because of that, I had to go back home with him, only to endure the same treatment each time.
Finding Strength
Now, I’m finally going through with the divorce and putting the past behind me. I have lived in pain and suffering for the man I loved but was never loved back. I gave everything I had and did my best to better our life for us and our kids, but all I got was sorrow. I’ve been beaten, spit on, and called every nasty name you can think of. Yet, I’m still standing strong every day for the sake of my kids.
Moving Forward
After years of enduring a toxic relationship, I am ready to move forward. My children are my source of strength and motivation. Despite the hardships, I am determined to create a better life for them and myself. The journey ahead may be challenging, but I am resilient and ready to face whatever comes my way.
I am finally reclaiming my life and looking forward to a future filled with hope and happiness.